Haunting Adventurer Gifts

"If only you knew. . ."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"Needs to get a life"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Where’s your sense of Gothic romance?"

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Halo Frisbee.

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

2pm meet your Creator

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'