Harmonious Householders Gifts

Cat and dog

"Careful. That house has a taser."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

Wife growing vegetables in husband's piano

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

Magic Carpet Cleaning

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

'That's it? The facts of life? Mom washes the dishes and you dry them?'

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.

'Relax, Silly. He's not here for you.'

Musical washing

Feng Shui

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

'Oh, you cut the cord too?'

Romance over the iron boards

"That's fine. I've learned to enjoy TV with no sound when we're at odds."

'You've take up the violin at 76? Must be hell for those living at 74 and 78...'

Hymns and Her

"It's not so much spring cleaning as it is 'My mom is visiting for Mother's Day' cleaning."

"Don't even think about letting them in until the house is dirty again."

Clean House

"Sorry, but my mum doesn't want me to invite friends over: She's kind of ashamed we live in a pigsty..."

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."

"The secret to a good marriage son is to do most of the spring cleaning..."

Pet owner to pets in chair: 'We need to come up with some kind of time-sharing system.'

'And that is how you put the toilet seat down. There will be a quiz on Friday'.

'Why do you never change these things out when they're empty? They're not an infinite scroll.'

Ethel's offer to iron out Ned's problems turned out to be a problem in and of itself....