Happy Speculator Gifts

"Tonight's lotto numbers are..."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

'The market dropped sharply on the rumor that new sell off rumors in the financial sector will lead to more widespread rumors...'

Department of Pure Speculation.

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Wall Street Down

"We know stocks will go up but we don't know which ones or when."

Stock Market Adventure

"Some say we can't go on making millions forever, but I think they're wrong!"

"Now do you see, Betty, what a little luck, a few sound investments and the shameless inflation of corporate profits through bogus transactions can buy."

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

"...And that's the studio where we filmed the Moon Landing..."

"No one knows what he does, but it's rumored that he's the guy who sets global oil prices."

'What I want you to do is spot any mistakes before I make them.'

The tumbling dice...

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'Gesundheit.'

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

"When do we all start frantically buying gold again?"

'On days when the stock market suffers sharp losses... it's best not to mention in recovery.'

'I see your investments going up but it's not clear which ones or when.'

'The gentleman in the back bids one arm. The is now one arm. Will anybody give me an arm and a leg.'

'Stocks dropped on news Greenspan's memoirs will contain no insider trading information...'

'I've traveled all over the world looking for happiness and found it in my bank account.'

'Looks as if we got out of property at the right time...'