Happy Facade Enthusiast Gifts

Not wanting to seem sour or charmless, Steve smiled his way through life.

"Beware of Don"

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

Sportswasher's

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

Tom Bagley's Outer Shell.

'I'm going to dictate a stern letter of reprimand for Watkins, but let's soften the blow with a Comic Sans font.'

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

"Don't be fooled. Chaos reigns."

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Miserable man holding a balloon with smiling face.

'I was expecting something a little more imposing.'

Toxic Masculinity

'It has to have tall fences.'

"This is a very bad sign!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus . . . '

"Comic sans? I wouldn't rescue us."

FacadeBook

The sad man carries a smiling face mask

"Everyone kept telling me 'Oh, these statues will blow you away.' That's ridiculous. They look stupid, vacant, dull, empty-headed, dopey, ignorant..."

"A bright smile every morning- how do you do it?"

"I can see your cards, David."

"You may not want to read this book but you'll certainly want others to think you've read it."

"I have a small confession to make - some of them I've only skimmed through."

"Just my luck! I build a 15 foot privacy fence and then a family of giraffes moves in next door!"

"Bill and I are readers."

"We don't actually have to BE happy, Cody -- we just have to LOOK happy."

Bob practices lying.

'Are you smiling?'

'Even if the enemy does believe it, you know these fences are really for keeping us in, right?'

'As long as no one knows that I don't know what I'm doing, there's no problem...'

"Reggie 'The Butcher' Baker just found out that everyone knows his wife calls him 'love dumpling'."

"I never forget a face."

Not A Bookstore: Non-books that look like books for folks who don't read books, but want people to think they read books.

'I didn't realize trees were dangerous!'