Hapless Dads Gifts

Toys in the DVD Player.

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'

Complete the jigsaw puzzle of your life

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

This is Twig's scene. Get ready! That's her! Where? There! Too late. Nice shot of Jessie Caldwell. Wasn't she fabulous.

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"And this is our son Danny's room. Danny is being raised by wolves."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

'Still having trouble finding day care?'

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

Fathers are Heroes

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

'Genius! Art class and snack time!'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

Parental Training Course

'Well, we always said as long as he's got ten fingers and ten toes . . .'

"I was raised in New York and Nancy is from L.A., but we're bringing up the children bicoastal."

'He's doing it again.'