Hammer Wielder Pillows

John Henry

'They say that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste!'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

'There's nothing on.'

"River well stocked this year."

D.I.Y with dad.

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

Like father like son.

The Sculptor

'You said you wanted a F-A-C-E chord.'

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

"That's the Bronco Whisperer. He'll have that wild stallion broken in a day or two."

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

The sword is mightier than the pen.

House Plant Party

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

"What's it like, working with your hands?"

Forrest Gander

Woodwork

Shepherd

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'Meet the Author'/'Meet the Plagiarist' - An Author and a Plagiarist selling and signing the same book story and title.

Ask me about my uppercut.

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'He was a darn fine mechanic.'

'If you were a carp where would you go?'

Bubba gets Carpal Funnel Syndrome.

A woodchop competition with a difference.

Writer Crisis

"It's worse than I thought."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of contracting are the hardest.'

Woodcutter yells 'timber' as tree falls on him.

"They're in a statistical dead heat."