Habitual Storyteller T-Shirts

'Whenever my parents threaten to discipline me, I say 'Okay, but that's the first thing I'm going to mention in my tell all book'. Works for me.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Edgar Allen Poe

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Cow in love'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'