Habitual Drinker Pillows

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Happy Hour

7 Dwarves of Retirement

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"Hard day at the office Dear? You're swigging the Balsamic Vinegar."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"I rescued him from a tree four years ago — still remembers me."

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think I know where you're going with this: Yes, he was talking about happy hour.

Second to Nun

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'

Should We All Go To The Movies?

'Single or double?'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

Beer versus Wine

How do you like the new suit?

Beauty shop

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"Wine goes straight to my head."

"Twenty years ago when I started planning my retirement I had no idea how big my bar bill would be."

"India ink, straight."

"Single malt scotches are good but I prefer regular old comfort booze."

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

'I'm having what he's having.'

"And a bag of peanuts."