Habitual Drinker T-Shirts

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Happy Hour

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"Hard day at the office Dear? You're swigging the Balsamic Vinegar."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"I rescued him from a tree four years ago — still remembers me."

Second to Nun

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

Beauty shop

"Twenty years ago when I started planning my retirement I had no idea how big my bar bill would be."

Beer versus Wine

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'

Should We All Go To The Movies?

'Single or double?'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

"Wine goes straight to my head."

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

How do you like the new suit?

"Single malt scotches are good but I prefer regular old comfort booze."

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

"India ink, straight."

'I'm having what he's having.'

"And a bag of peanuts."

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'