Habitual Activities Pillows

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

Alarmistclock

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Time for sports camp, Teddy. Let's go! Unghhh � I thought you hated all the sports craziness. Summer camps avoid the worst problems. I forget. Parent's aren't allowed. Heaven on earth.

"No matter how many times Martha berated Tony, she just couldn't break him of his habit of not chewing his food."

"How's my wife doing in the discus tryouts? I can tell you that, at home, she's hell on wheels with saucers and plates."

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis."

"Are you regular?" "Every morning at 6AM." "That's good." "But I don't wake up until 7."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"It's a panda-cam production of 'Streetcar,' but it is live theatre."

How to injury yourself as an adult

'I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. By the time we got around to booking the hotel was full and speaker we hoped to use died in 1967...'

Rodin's Nailbiter.

'You were right, Dad. It started to bounce on the third or fourth step.'

"Oh no!"

How do you like the new suit?

We're filling the void left by no Olympics by having an opening ceremony when removing caps from sodas.

"Norm hadn't won his Zoom Bingo in awhile, but scored something even better, a grocery delivery time slot."

Fetching, rolling over, playing dead, sitting up

Television Baseball

"You can't possibly have winter cabin fever! Winter just officially started a couple days ago."

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"How did people waste time before computers?"

Wedding Cake with groom hoovering

'And that's Mr. Clarke - bottle of Pinot Grigio, every Friday, 4:45 p.m.'

No doubt about it... Joyce had become addicted to computer games!