Guest Preparer T-Shirts

'Put that right back! Mother will be here any minute.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'If your name's not on the Liszt, you're not coming in.'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Brew?'

'You wished to see the house red?'

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

Mattress sale

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

'That explains why I have so much trouble parallel parking.'

Recorded mating call

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."

Fluffy was never quite the same after Aunt Ruby's visit.

'What do you mean you 'don't like curry'?!!'

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

'I must warn you our food isn't as good as you would find in a garbage can.'

'Thank you for that kind introduction, Ed, but frankly, I would've liked a little further ado.'

'Roger hates goodbyes.'

'Keep carving, there are still a few identifiable parts.'

'Dressing the Salad. Why?'

'Oognik! -- If I'd known you were coming, I'd have harpooned a whale!'

A surprise visit

'Thank you for folding up the sleeper sofa, Dear. Have you seen Mother?'

"Please welcome Doctor Simpkins, author of 'Good Posture: The Key to Power and Wealth."

'You simply must eat at No 47! Their meal worm mix is to die for!'

'These are for Ken's homemade Chenin Blance. Trust me, you'll need them.'