Guest Preparer T-Shirts

'Put that right back! Mother will be here any minute.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'If your name's not on the Liszt, you're not coming in.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

The three Musketeers give a PowerPoint.

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

'You wished to see the house red?'

'Brew?'

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

Mattress sale

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

'That explains why I have so much trouble parallel parking.'

Recorded mating call

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

'What do you mean you 'don't like curry'?!!'

'I must warn you our food isn't as good as you would find in a garbage can.'

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

Fluffy was never quite the same after Aunt Ruby's visit.

'Thank you for that kind introduction, Ed, but frankly, I would've liked a little further ado.'

'Roger hates goodbyes.'

'Keep carving, there are still a few identifiable parts.'

A surprise visit

'Oognik! -- If I'd known you were coming, I'd have harpooned a whale!'

'Thank you for folding up the sleeper sofa, Dear. Have you seen Mother?'

'Dressing the Salad. Why?'

"Please welcome Doctor Simpkins, author of 'Good Posture: The Key to Power and Wealth."

'You simply must eat at No 47! Their meal worm mix is to die for!'