Guest Host T-Shirts

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

Showbiz Awards

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Cardiac Recovery.

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Glenn Beck?'

"I'm having friends over for dominoes, so everyone needs to clear out of the kitchen."

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"A table in Siberia, please."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

Come dine with me!