Guardian Angel Humorist Gifts

Guardian Angel is so addicted to his cell that he neglects his charge.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

Policeman talking to lost child

An amplified harp

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I've been recalled, the defibrillator just kicked in."

Your angel is always with you

The Puck Stops Here.

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"So much for eternal rest."

'I knew I should've used the fluorescent golf balls.'

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Late Night TV

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

"It's okay, you can go home. You know, this guys is a CEO."

Showering angel has water bouncing off her halo.

Guardian Angels and Operations

"I guess they really are permanent."

'But how did you lose your harp?'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

"Happens every time someone runs an electric can opener down there."

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."

"Do you have other references? We feel your guardian angel would be biased in your favor."

"The fact is, I wasn't thoroughly vetted."

'I can't believe I locked my keys inside, again!'

'No, I'm not an angel of mercy. I'm your guardian angel. And apparently not a very good one.'