Guardian Angel Gifts

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

Policeman talking to lost child

Guardian Angel is so addicted to his cell that he neglects his charge.

'I'm worried about him, Clive. His new friends seem quite rough.'

'If you're in Heaven, Reagan, how come that nice Senator Kennedy isn't?', 'Maybe it's because when I was younger, I was a lifeguard.'

Violence against woman

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"Tommy!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."