Grump Humorist Pillows

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

'Did you use mouthwash this morning?'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"I know it's tough to get motivated on Mondays, but..."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

Grumpy old merry men.

I am coffee and I need more coffee

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'This may be the only time I'll ever bring you breakfast in bed - So wake up!'

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

'If you get one who refuses to wake up, pour it in his lap.'

"Dang it."

'I know how you feel.'

Alarm clock.

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

"It looks like they're getting tougher, honey."

"He just woke up from hibernation."

Time stood still – which made it an easy target.