Grudge Philosopher T-Shirts

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Monday: Next 7 exits.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'I could have made money in the stock market if I had only found the right 'How to invest' book...'

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Nice try, but I'm still angry."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'New! - 'Fuel Price Rage' counselor on duty.'

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"That's an old wives' tale. Money does make you happy!"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"It Works For Us."

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

The end is near.