Grumpy Philosopher T-Shirts

"I'm sitting here going over all my troubles in my mind..."

The Ultimate Pessimist: "The glass is half empty and what's in it is toxic."

Pigeon Little

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Old Man Journal

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

Grumpy Old Men

'Cheer up...'

"It Works For Us."

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

I lactate, therefore I am.

The end is near.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."