Growing Up In A Big Family Pillows

'There are so many kids in my family that I can only get 'hand-me-downs'...'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

The No No No's

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Grounded

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

"You used to be a lot more fun."

Origins Of Evolution

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

Maternity ward: 'Oh boy - stereo!'

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

A father of three

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"No need to push, Mother—I'm going."