Growing Up Expert Pillows

"Well, looks like his teenage years might be over: he's cleaning his room..."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'So this is goodbye then!'

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"You used to be a lot more fun."

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Early childhood development

Origins Of Evolution

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!