Groundhog Gourmet Gifts

"You haven't tasted groundhog till you've hunted it and killed it with your bare teeth."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Queen of Quinoa

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

Veggie Hall of Fame.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

Stuffing the turkey.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Gee, where are all the crowds this year?'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

"Punxsutawney Phil can also predict the political climate."

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

"I certainly hope you're composting the leftovers."

Doc, I've got a phobia about shadows.

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' colour

'Mom always told us to eat the greens!'

I love Sprouts

'You wish, Timmy.'