Grocery Shopping Fan Pillows

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Little Miss Muffet in Store.

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

"That reminds me. We need to pick up some miniature cocktail weenies, and a box of raisins."

"I'm still trying to get used to ordering food online."

"Bag for life?"

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Important Food Groups

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Everything's gone up."

'Diet considerations.'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Witches Checkout.

Unusual Offers

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'