Grocery Renegade T-Shirts

'A coconut, a jar of pickled pig's feet, five pounds of leeks, a dozen owl eggs. . . you lost the list I gave you, didn't you?'

LAY ZEE FUK

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

"Everything's gone up."

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

"Give him his food."

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"Now, what? I'm wearing a hair net."

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"There's no way God ever intended man to shove a pillow into a pillowcase!"

'I know I promised to love, honour and cherish you but I don't remember saying I'd cook for you.'

"My husband can carry up to fifty times his body weight: he's great to go shopping with..."

Complaints (just kidding).

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

'Say, Doc, I'll need more of that steroid stuff for old King. He's still kind of peaked. Must need some heavy doses."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Solar Storm Expected!

'Due to concerns about Global Warming...I'm through with cooking.'

"They do require a jacket and tie but they're not real dogmatic about it."

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"This recipe turned out awful despite me substituting every major ingredient."

"Mr McNab gives primal scream therapy for shoplifters."

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'