Grocery Goof Admirer Pillows

"This accident report must be really old, unless he really was 'attacked by ye wilde boare' in the cold meats aisle."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

Witches Checkout.

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

Mouse shopping after hours

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

Eye of Newt Helper

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

'The special today is scraps.'

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

The Creature of the Black Legume

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.

A choice of sandwiches

'More Christmas anyone?'

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

9 items or less at the gates of heaven

'Now let's see...We need fodder...'

"Your food will be out as soon as we clean up from the chef's little bout with food poisoning."

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

"Is the Black Cherry Vanilla Beer Coolie any good? That depends on your lack of taste."

'We're out of peanut butter.'

"After that, our marriage ripened into a divorce."

Meats

'Ugh! I think it's past its sell-by date.'