Grieving Goal Scorer Gifts

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Saving a Heart

Football

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"Okay, you got this! Who introduced the theory of punctuated equilibrium?"

Psyche Delia

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

Wilfried Zaha

"Seeing as you've been so generous giving goals away lately, you're down to play Santa at the Christmas party!"

"I told you my lucky pennies would work."

Hedgehog Mortuary.

Harry Kewell

"I'm so grateful to play for this fantastic club....a childhood dream come true!"

'Some day, people will wonder what these goal posts were.'

'If you think men don't know how to show emotion - just wait until one of them scores...'

'They only keep him in the team because of his famous WAG!'

'Any idea how united got on?'

'He still can't manage to get into the box.'

'Touching.'

"You shirt, you fool, your shirt!"

Sadio Mane

I don't get it. You can make a goal from one end of the field to the other, but you can't hit the laundry basket six inches away.

Footballer's Wages

Goal!

'When Roger died, a little light went out.'

"Somewhere a long. . . long way from the World Cup."

Jack Grealish

Jamie Vardy

Pelé

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

Mandela scores again!

Messi's secret.