Grief Processors Gifts

The stages of winter

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

'Touching.'

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

Former Survivalist

"Join us after the service for a celebration of Mark's life. Or alternatively, go with the guys down the back to celebrate Mark's secret life."

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

"Trust me - he's going to a better place."

"He refuses to let me get on with the grieving process."

"I know what you're going through, dear. I buried my husband last year -? but they found him in time."

Denial Exit Now: Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance Next 4 Exits.

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

Losing a loved one is never easy. The trick is to make it look easy.

"If anyone asks, we never had this conversation."

"He didn't leave much - just a lot of unanswered questions..."

'Let's talk dollars and cents. How many 'loved ones' did you lose in the stock market?'

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'

"When I got divorced, I went through all the stages of grieving - sadness, anger, denial and punching the air with delight when the settlement cheque came through!"

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

"I knew if I started dating again so soon he'd flip out."

"You're not even listening, are you?!"

Audrey M. Fishberg - Certified Financial Grief Counselor.

The AdRams Family no.22 - Death of a virtual pet