Grief Philosopher Pillows

"Grief takes many forms. But don't worry, we're here to help you fill them out."

"I could never leave this place—this is where I grew up."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"He's still in my nervous stomach."

'At least getting run over by a hearse fit his sense of humour.'

"I asked if it would kill her to say'I love you' every once in a while."

"I can't remember what he looked like either."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"They're very time-sensitive."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'I could have made money in the stock market if I had only found the right 'How to invest' book...'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"Sorry, wrong room."

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

'I don't understand it! On earth he was deathly afraid of flying.'

Hedgehog Mortuary.

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

"Sure, it's disrespectful, but knowing old scamp, he'd want us to dig up his bones."

''On behalf of my colleagues I wanted to let you know that we are all crying inside.''

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

'Touching.'

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

Great Joys like griefs are silent.