Grieving Pillows

"If I die first, you should remarry. If you die first, I'll get a dog."

"No, the other one."

He's still in denial.

"If it's any consolation, toward the end he was high as a kite."

'I lost my best friend last year and Lisa, here, is part of my support group.'

'You should've called me sooner. I need a kidney transplant.'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

A stranger in paradise.

"I need to wait until the euphoria wears off before I start dating again."

'Edward, will you promise that if I die first you won't go crazy and get your nose pierced?'

'Get a pen and paper quick, I'm about to say something witty before I die!'

'Yep, his face is beyond recognition but that's my Charlie for certain.'

'You're husband's death is an absolute tragedy, it's going to play havoc with my monthly mortality targets.'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'I don't understand it! On earth he was deathly afraid of flying.'

'Poor Jack. He was always pro-life.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'He never did any work in the kitchen when he was alive, so he can make up for it now.'

'Other than your butt being asleep, how's death treating you?'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"It's not sediment, it's my late husband's ashes - he always said he wouldn't mind being drunk when he died."

"How come we don't talk about Mom?"

'Your Grandpa is up in heaven now son.'

"He ALWAYS had to have the last word. . . I was THIS close to getting him to sign the divorce papers."

"My late husband willed his brain to science. Trouble is science is contesting the will."

"...they found a cure for that thing you had."

''On behalf of my colleagues I wanted to let you know that we are all crying inside.''

"You going to visit your mother on mother's day?"

"Would you look at that? Your damn sister always did have to be the center of attention."

Mourning Angel

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