Gridiron Groupie Pillows

'This is depressing, the Pro Bowl had more hits than my website.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Plant Lady

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Theatre Crowd

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

Dynamite little combo

Liam Gallagher.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Input From The Front Office

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

'On second thought dear, I think it's your turn to make breakfast.'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Internet Cafe.

Mark Gastineau

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Robert Schumann

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Snowman Football Fan.

Don't You Dare Stand in the Way of Me Standing in My Own Way

'Could you guys play a slow number so my gal and I can dance?'

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'We've had an application from No.10 Downing Street. . . they need to extend their cabinet room.'

Before instant replay.

Nick Cave.

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"