Greeting Eliminator Gifts

5 morning's worth of cliche greetings eliminated in 6 seconds flat.

Cat Reunion

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"It's not for you, it's for the paparazzi."

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

"Once you've jumped over the moon, standing around in a field all day just doesn't cut it."

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

Net Zero Superstitions

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

"Bev, send in someone who knows when I'm fishing for compliments."

I know 'enjoy the day' is the latest trendy, trite pleasantry, but in this store, we stick with the classic, 'Have a nice day'.

'This list of excuses, for not having your homework, looks surprisingly like a list of reasons for not being successful when you get a job.'

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

"Yo!" "Hi, guy!" "Yo, guy!"

"Cursed To Live In HowdyTown."

"Remember, lad, the firm handshake has been replaced with a good sharp jab of the elbow."

A Cornish Man

'Come here and tell me what you think about this dress!'

The Environmental Protection Agency cranks it up a notch.

"Zero emissions - I'm in EPA heaven."

I brought a little ice breaker.'

Woman approaches a clock with a tick and flea killer.

"Whew ... now he needs some roll-on deodorant."

"We're reducing GHG emissions on the rance by switching to ll electric cows."

One man and his dog odour spray.

A northern cow

Teacher in front of freaked out class: 'And to let you know how irritating homework excuses are, we'll start each day with fingernails on the chalkboard.'

"At some point their handshake deals evolved into man hugs."

'Lately, I have made so many mistakes that I think my life needs a big control-z.'

Smell No Evil