Excuse Eliminator Gifts

Teacher in front of freaked out class: 'And to let you know how irritating homework excuses are, we'll start each day with fingernails on the chalkboard.'

'This list of excuses, for not having your homework, looks surprisingly like a list of reasons for not being successful when you get a job.'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

'My dog ate my computer.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

Lame Lines

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

'I leave it this way, because leaving it this way is a labor-saving device.'

Production Meeting: Excuses

"Where do you come up with your rationalizations for not writing?"

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

"Breakfast will be a little late. Our computer's down."

Net Zero Superstitions