Greens Gremlin Gifts

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

Veggie Hall of Fame.

Grocery Shopping

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

Frank N. Stein - Evirnomentalist.

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'You've lost it Dad - It's gone into that little hole with the flag in it.'

Argument between Disposable or Washable Nappies

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you repaired it last time.'

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

Golf

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

'Holmes and Gardens' 'What's on'

"My handicap is the water, trees, windows, the highway..."

'The general says, I'm not only expendable, but also biodegradable.'

Monsanto

'We have to plant a tree every time we go out.'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'I don't know how you feel about it, but I'm thinking about moving to California and becoming a vegetarian.'

McDonald's Wraps Burgers in Grass Paper

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need to eat more greens.'

Fred walks into a salad bar on the wrong side of the tracks.

'I thought you were supposed to spend green stuff.'

Paul Lawrie

'Oh yes, Miss Strict Vegetarian!'

I've been all over the galaxy, and they have the strangest economic system I've ever seen!

"Being a vegan should be considered an extreme sport."

'How quickly did you say the seas would rise?'

I want to buy green. I've got a checklist. Ok. Are they grown without pesticides? Yes. Trees. From local farms? Yes. And raised free-range? I believe that's your Christmas dinner.

'You're an SUV owner? Well, why don't you just park right up front here...'