Greens Gremlin Gifts

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

Veggie Hall of Fame.

Grocery Shopping

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

Frank N. Stein - Evirnomentalist.

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

Argument between Disposable or Washable Nappies

'You've lost it Dad - It's gone into that little hole with the flag in it.'

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you repaired it last time.'

Golf

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

'The general says, I'm not only expendable, but also biodegradable.'

'Holmes and Gardens' 'What's on'

"My handicap is the water, trees, windows, the highway..."

'We have to plant a tree every time we go out.'

'I don't know how you feel about it, but I'm thinking about moving to California and becoming a vegetarian.'

'I thought you were supposed to spend green stuff.'

'Oh yes, Miss Strict Vegetarian!'

Fred walks into a salad bar on the wrong side of the tracks.

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need to eat more greens.'

"Being a vegan should be considered an extreme sport."

'How quickly did you say the seas would rise?'

'You're an SUV owner? Well, why don't you just park right up front here...'

"If he was holding up play, we'd call it 'justified homicide'"