Green Diet Champions Pillows

"My superpower is that I'm a vegan and never mention it to anyone."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Climate change

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

World Meat Consumptiom

'I am a staving artist. I'm fat because all I can afford is junk food!'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

The cake diet.

The proud husband who's wife just lost thirty-five pounds: 'This is my wife Sandra, Greatly reduced.'

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

'I got him for self defense. Boze eats my wife's leftovers.'

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

Two weighing machines, one speaks your weight and the other lies about it.

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

"It's a pity I'm a vegetarian..."

"Yeah, and what's it to you if I am gluten free?"

'My gosh, I'm losing my jowls!'

'It's so hot you could fry an egg white on the sidewalk.'

'Good luck. That patch is designed to help you stick to your diet.'

"In for a penny, in for a pound."

'I'm on a diet -- make it a two-bean salad.'

"Well, there goes the neighborhood."

"You're just in time. We're having vegetarian chili tonight."

Escape from Earth: Warning.

"The environment people only worry about endangered species, not endangered individuals."

"I don't deal with soaring gas prices, it doesn't need electricity or oil changes and it replaces my dusty peloton sitting in the coner."