Gratuity Strategist Gifts

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Thank you bubbles

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'We'll also need to do a credit/blame analysis.'

"Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until Monday?"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"It's a dog-eat-dog economy. And I'm the Doberman."

Dangling Carrots

"By the way… If no one has mentioned this before, we think you're swell."

"Can I just leave a small tip?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

Give Thanks.

Every Day is a Gift

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

"I owe everything I have today to my parents, my wife, and the bank."

"I'll be grateful for the small things, and you can be grateful for the big things - that way, we'll have it covered."

Thank you healthcare heroes

This stuff fixes things at home, why not here?

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

A sky writer writes, 'Thank you.'

"I need a card that says 'Thanks for going through lots with me.' I'm a realtor!"

Thank your Lucky Stars