Grape Whisperer Pillows

'Do I detect an inner grape struggling to get out?'

'No, I haven't gotten around to crushing the grapes, but I think have them pretty well intimidated.'

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Gardener attacked by plants.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Plant Lady

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

An Unexpected Guest.

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Goddess.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

Award Winning Gardener

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"I'm losing my patience with you."

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

An old man growing berries

His New Grillfriend

Botany Baby!

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Tree Passion

'I slave away all summer getting the garden just right to relax in - then autumn arrives!

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'