Grant Administrator Gifts

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"They want $15,000? We're just not set up to give away such a small amount."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Well, we got the grant."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

'Just to keep everybody on their toes, let's can the employee of the month.'

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"What are we doing wrong?"

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"Hello sir? I believe your name is Grant. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about yourself?"

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

The mazes were too easy, so now they have me running through bureaucracies and looking for grants. (Originally published on 2007-10-18).

"Someday my grant will come."

"Our funding runs out in a month. Will everyone please think a little faster?"

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."