Granddaughter Gifts

'Grandpa, what was the biggest upgrade you saw when you went to school?'

"Before I read about my summer vacation, I'd like to ask that all pagers, beepers, and cell phones be turned off."

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'Well this is awkward.'

"'The Girl Who Kicked Summer Vacation's Ass.'"

'No, grandma, hashtags are not something you order with eggs.'

"Are you sure you're not assigning too much homework? - I don't want to end up overqualified."

'And this one is my Ritalin patch.'

Bassoons.

Little Girl Educating Her Horse.

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

"For future security questions, the name of your first pet should include a minimum of eight uppercase and lowercase letters, numbers and special characters."

Kid to elderly lady: 'Grandma, you rock.'

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"Handwrite and mail grandma's thank you note instead of texting? I don't have this kind of time!"

'That shows how high the water was. The same thing happens in our bathtub.'

'Gramma, can you help with my homework?'

"Money from the Tooth Fairy, eh? Don't forget to declare capital gains!"

Girl to girl: 'A friend is someone you don't have to call dibs with.'

'Eleven?.. you mean there's more numbers beyond the number of fingers we have?'

I knitted him for you..

Dog with Anchor Lead

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

Little Red Riding Hood (Perrault's Fairy Tales).

Fox and a little girl hiding from the rest of the hunt.

A Girl and Her Horse

Image of school girl with backpack.

"I know it's just a game, sweetie, but our entire gender's political survival hinges on the outcome."

Computerized Dollhouse.

"There I go again, telling stories that make you an accessory after the fact."

"My granddaughter wants me to stop blowing the tops off mountains."

'Mummy, all the ballerinas were on tiptoe. Why don't they just use taller dancers?'

...at least I won the bet with my precosious ballet dancing Granddaughter!

"Was geography any easier when you were my age, Grandpa? Back when the world was flat?"

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."