Grand Slam Guru Pillows

'I'm leaving you for someone who ignores me to watch Wimbledon!'

Novak Djokovic

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Lennon and McCartney.

On the back of the t-shirt...

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Muscles

No-Work Orange

ZZZZZZZ Top

"This next one's another oldie."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"Gabe's in the Guitar Hero program at Juilliard."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Sale! Weed Whackers

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

Exercise Class

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

Eric Clapton.

Lawnmower

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

The trim reaper

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"Check out this new store."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

Bashful in Nashville

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

'What are you eating now?'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."