Graceful Klutz Gifts

A Fall From Grace

"From the gentleman at the end of the barre."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"On. More. Try."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

Sleeping Beauty's Wedding

Accident-Prone Support Group.

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

Graceful, for a big man....

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

Ballerina and the light switch.