Comedic Klutz Gifts

"Actually, I'm not used to this at all."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"On. More. Try."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"A fly in your soup Sir? Don't worry, it won't live long in that stuff..."

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

'That's all right, dear -- I'll just pick something up on the way to work.'

"What'll I eat, when you, are far away, and I am blue, what'll I eat?"