Government Sparring Partner Gifts

"The government and I had a difference of opinion on what was tax deductible."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

Mixed Doubles.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

'You play ball with me and I'll play ball with you!'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"There is nothing dangerous about GM foods!" "Keep talking or we'll smash your head in"

Academic Affairs: The Chair of Philosophy Corners the Chair of the Sciences

Musical Fight

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

The Rivalry Begins

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

Nature vs. Nietzsche.

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Department de Philosophie

The Bob Dole Home-Shopping Network

"My family clapped louder than your family!"

A poison pen fights a poison mic.

Covid Podium

"Very well, Carter, you've proven my theory faulty—let it go at that!"

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

"Ken does know that isn't real money, right?"

Squash Partners.

'Want to have a snow ball battle?'

'My office is boarded up. Why do I get the feeling my boss is still made at me for beating him at poker over the weekend.'

"I've been thinking harder than you have, and my thought experiment disproves your thought experiment."

“Can you show us something that will make our friends envious, but not too envious?”

'What do you mean, 'you can read me like a book'? You've never read a book!'

Theoresentful

'He's trying to figure out a way to miss this putt so his boss can win the match.'

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

'By the time we'd lobbied the government, got planning permission, raised capitol, put the job out to tender and built it we didn't need it any more.'

'I say it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you're sincere.', 'Who do you think you're kidding?'

The two geologists lived only a stone's throw apart.