Government Guru Gifts

Ministry of Soundbites: "Actually minister, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice','empowerment' and 'customer focussed'."

The Well-Oiled Machine of Governance: The Depat. of Federal Efficiency.

Power: 'It's mine and you can't have it.'

How Governments (Don't) work...

'Gosh, I love government, Ed. Just when you begin to lose faith in the system, along comes a fresh crop of idealistic young lawmakers with an invigorating brand of gridlock all their own!'

'Our industry is committed to the environment. All of our lobbyists are 100 recycled congressmen.'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

'I prefer to call it the system of checks and balances in action, senator, not gridlock.'

Danger ahead.

'Now she wants to run for congress.'

"Then it is agreed. The problem's not our fault, because the country's run by low-level bureaucrats."

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

Inside County Hall: Lift Max Capacity, 4 persons.

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Mr. Speaker, will the gentleman from Small Firearms yield the floor to the gentleman from the Big Tobacco?"

Federal Stimulus.

This year, I'm buying him a seat in the legislature.

New Improved I.R.S.

Angry republicans.

Herbert Morrison

''Solutions to Domestic and International Problems'. How long has this been here?'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

New World Orders

Modern voter is confused by all the current issues

'I could run for office, but as a lobbyist, why would I want to give up all my power?'

'I'll tell you all the reasons we shouldn't reform the filibuster! 1.) It will restrict my ability to frivolously stymie everything...How long do I have to keep talking?'

'Stick a few upper-class tax cuts to it and it'll pass like a bran muffin dipped in vaseline.'

'From now on. We're going to punt it.

"Your Majesty, according to our study the shoe was lost for want of a nail, the horse was lost for want of a shoe, and the rider was lost for want of a horse, but the kingdom was lost because of overregulation."

George W. Bush

'As Plan B's go it's radical, but it's a sure fire way of slashing public spending...'

Tea Party Goes Over The Edge

'In these dangerous times a measured response is just what I'd expect from a radical moderate like you.'

"The new government whip takes the job seriously!"

"Hi there. I'm governor of a large state somewhere out West, and I'm running for President."