Gourmet Laugh Seekers T-Shirts

'Of course, the peas are fresh. I personally opened the can myself.'

"That'll be five bucks."

"I might just get a pie."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'YAY! PATE!'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

The mushroom pickers

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

"What would you serve with toast?"

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"Some volcano roll!"

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'Nice Touch!'

"Leave room for sex."

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

Holy Pizza

"My bouche was not amused."

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

Christmas canape?

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."