Gourmet Laugh Seekers T-Shirts

'Of course, the peas are fresh. I personally opened the can myself.'

"That'll be five bucks."

"I might just get a pie."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'YAY! PATE!'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

The mushroom pickers

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"What would you serve with toast?"

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Nice Touch!'

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

"Leave room for sex."

New Jersey Cops Gone Wild

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"Some volcano roll!"

Holy Pizza

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

Christmas canape?

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

"So you hired them to do the tidying up?"

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."