Gourmet Giggle-seekers T-Shirts

Heirloom Hot Dogs.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"I might just get a pie."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'YAY! PATE!'

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."