Gourmet Giggle-seekers T-Shirts

Heirloom Hot Dogs.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I might just get a pie."

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'YAY! PATE!'

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"