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Failed holiday idea: Utinsils.

Bad fake tan day.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Cook and her Maids

Onion operation.

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"It'll never be ready in time."

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

Jerk Gene

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"Let me guess...you forgot to put their hand-brakes on!"

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

Whipping Cream

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

"Life is pointless."

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

"The trick to this particular dish is not letting your mother mess it up."

'Well... at least we know the basement doesn't leak.'

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'For heavens sake Gordon, just get in, you're embarrassing us.'

"I think it's the spoon you want, I'm a confirmed spatula."

"Your husband's pot roast is heavenly. It takes an eternity to chew it."