Gourmet Garden Gnome Gifts

The Perfect Garden.

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

Stuffing the turkey.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

Show and Tell.

We practically live out here in the summer.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

Watering the garden gnome

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

Drunk Woman Sees Pink Elephants in her Garden.

Stand back - while I whip something up

"I certainly hope you're composting the leftovers."

'STOP! You're injecting the wrong GMO gene!'

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

Bird sees coo coo bird emerge from birdhouse

'How do they know it's breakfast time? It's your garden clock, birdbrain!'