Gourmet Buff Enthusiast T-Shirts

'The pastries are good, but I'd stay away from that cheese.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

'Don't you love these all you can eat buffets?'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Mom said never use that dirty 4-letter word on vacation...DIET."

Join me for dinner?

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Haute Chinese

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

Happy hour.

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

Sinking Sand

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet