Gossip Detective Pillows

'Ok, let me get this straight; your friend Kristyn is no longer coming to have supper with us because Danielle told you that Tracy heard from Holly that her sister Melissa thought she saw Kristyn in the mall talking to your old boyfriend?'

"I never believe office gossip unless it's backed by some substantial rumors."

'Straight from the horse's mouth? I don't think so: This article has been heavily edited...'

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

"Look at these tabloid magazines! Gossip is a venomous misuse of the tongue!"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'She's so put together!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

A little bird told me...

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

JET (Part I)

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

18 Days Since the Last Embarrassing Off-Field Incident.

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."

'Washington has wooden teeth? -- how did you find that out?', 'It came out in conversation.'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'