Gossip Gifts

Department of Pure Speculation.

"She's had work."

"I love the blockbusters of the summer confession season."

"I've had enough reports for one day. Bring me some gossip."

'Sleaze, please.'

Chinese whispers: "This active listening workshop sounds useful!" "Why would I want to go to Worksop?"

Sign reads: 'Small town ahead - don't believe a word you heard.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

The Original Information Superhighway

"Same old, same old - Les took an arrow in the kidney, the kids all have Lyme disease, and Emily was nailed by an S.U.V."

"Gossip by Steve in Accounting - An Alluring new scent you'll want to resist...but can't. Because you have nothing else going on."

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"I'm so jealous. Joanne looks like she hasn't used up a single one of her 9 lives."

'It's disgraceful the way they build houses so close together!'

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

Why the Pope resigned...

'Eight years old and no mobile!'

'No, I didn't cry on my wedding day. I have done every day since though.'

Hello/Hi/G'day Magazine

"I'm afraid that if I share my vulnerabilities they become part of the public domain."

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

Bigfoot and his wife, Bigmouth.

Showbiz is tough

"There's a rumour that someone may be resigning today."

'So what's trending today Margaret?'

"Of course I'm aware of all the office gossip. I started it."

'That's about it - I've already told you twice as much as she told me...'

'Can you keep a top secret?'

'And then he yells MAN EATER and I say, MAN EATER?! MOI?!!'

'A little bird told me, and another little bird verified it.'

'We're going to have to put a stop to all the gossiping by the water cooler.' (water cooler spreading gossip).

"Want to bitch for one more lap?"

'Men lead such empty lives.'

The Original Gossip Columns