Gospel Guru T-Shirts

"No, a question period will not follow!"

Jesus the original paddleboarder.

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

Walking on Water

'But what is the universe for?'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Sculptor's chippings

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

'It helps with reception.'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'Father, meet Sister Kate, she shimmies like a jelly upon a jelly plate.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Cleaning the Horse

Expanding Sun engulfs Planets

"Are you sure they'll be able to read English?"

Honey badger do care.

Valentine for Guru.

"I'm gonna make him an offer he could refuse but won't because he's afraid of conflict."

'Technically, you can't really consider these 'alien visitations'. No offence but this planet is the only dumping station in this corner of the galaxy...'

Ballerina and the light switch.

"Hurry children, space is limited!"

"That's good for the budget. We don't have to exterminate the humans to conquer the earth. They'll take care of that themselves."

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'