Google Gurus Gifts

"What I lack in formal education I make up for in dexterity using search engines."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

"Your imagination is running wild. That's not a tiny drone sent to spy on us. That's just a fly."

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"Congratulations. The ultrasound shows the baby is healthy, a boy and already knows more about technology than you."

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

'Damn! McGee's good!'

"Dog toys are really getting high tech."

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"I hope that wish list you just sent to Santa wasn't too big." "Our server just crashed!"

Internet Restaurant

"To return to normal height professor, we simply: 1. Switch on The Nano-Ray. 2. Find the Plug; 3. Insert it..."

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

Explosion - "About the computer, try to remember the last three keys you pressed."

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jiddury? Social anxiety. That's what Google says it is, anyway. But Google's no doctor. I thought it'd be better to get the opinion of a professional. I see, well, why don't we start the diagnosis by having you hang up your phone, get out of your car and come inside? No, that's ok. I'm good here. You have a lovely parking lot. I've got donuts in here. No, that's ok, I'm good. I've got cracker crumbs on the floor.

Computer tech support sacred offering

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

'Today could well be the day...the day on which the world leaders turn to me to solve their problems...they might just leave it till tomorrow.'

Virtual Lap Dancing

Able to Google Stuff Man

"Hang on - I'll Uber us a school bus."

robot in car

"Nevermind the carpet, Roomba! Go get help!"

'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'

The walking frame for the mobile immobile.